Benjie, Blair, and Paul are all relaxing. I'm snug in my bed. I almost forget I'm in a boat going to Manila. (We took cabin tickets which make our accommodations look like a cramped hotel room rather than a boat cabin. There aren't any portholes) I'll miss Cebu for sure. I'll miss my parents and my sisters. I already miss Yani. I still cry inside knowing I won't be seeing her for at least some months.

(deleted portions)

Right now, all I can think of is where we'll go out when I get back. I still can't think of our Manila adventure just a few hours away. I guess I don't want to.

I wake up and shake off the sleep from my system. I guess I'm not fully awake yet. I strain to remember what day it is.

I miss Yani so much. I actually want to cry but can't because anyone of the other guys might stir and wake up. I don't want them to see me teary-eyed. What's worse is our audition to a talent manager last night couldn't have been worse. I wasn't expecting them to beg us to sign a contract after playing a couple of songs but I didn't also expect them not to show up either. Her name was Bibsy Carballo. The nerve. I never actually met her and I never even talked to her, (the arrangements were made thru her secretary) yet I already hate her like hell. And this stiff floor that I have to sleep on. (2 nights already) Maybe things will get better.

I was a nomad 'til the wind
     held my unsteady hand
     easing my tired and lonely soul
     blowing away the heavy air of indifference
     clearing my once gloomy sky
     showing me the horizon of promise

I was a nomad 'til the rain
     washed away the clinging hurt
     nourishing my parched and lonely heart
     moistening my lips with the kiss of untainted love
     cleansing my once dusty path
     revealing the romance of a rainbow

I was a nomad 'til a star
     held my stare with reassuring light
     dazzling my life with sweet color
     stripping away the shadows of doubt
     embracing me in rays so warm
     melting away my unbelief and distrust
     surrounding me with the glow of love

I was a nomad 'til the wind held my hand
I was a nomad 'til the rain nourished my heart
I was a nomad 'til a star led the way

I was a nomad 'til I found a home
A nomad now no more

Today I cleaned my room and the kitchen. I was quite thorough considering I was doing it all for the heck of it. I guess after it was all done, I felt satisfied and no longer felt guilty lying in my bed (layers of corrugated carton covered with a blanket) and doing............nothing.

I don't want to spend money. I vowed not to spend on luxuries until we started earning real dough here. And its not happening yet. Just auditions. Endless auditions.

We'll get lucky. I'm quite confident. Although every mealtime when I stare at my spartan meal, I can't avoid doubting our chances.

We'll see this through. We can't quit too easily. We've gone too far for that.

I need to sleep.

If and when I get the chance to go home, I'm listing the things I should bring back with me to Manila: (not arranged in order of priority)

1. electric fan
2. T.V. (the small one if it sill works)
3. books
4. painting brushes, oils, etc.
5. pictures of me and Yani on our last date c/o xiomai
6. some groceries
7. a small mirror
8. money. if I could squeeze some from my mom
9. my rubik's cube
10. pillow, sheets, and cushion
11. window lock

I'm so depressed.

It's my birthday tomorrow and I can't afford to buy much for us here. We settled for bulalo bones because it was the cheapest. P35 a kilo. We bought around 3 kilos. Paul is cooking pochero. If I had my way, we'd have spaghetti with meatballs and lots of cold beer. Maybe the guys will chip in tomorrow. Like a gift or something. Weird things can happen.

I wish I was home. In Cebu. I wish I was with Yani.

We'll at least I'm with friends. Some consolation. I'm still a bum.

Lying in my cot. We're on our way to Cebu. Things didn't go according to plan. Benjie couldn't get us on the C-130 so now we had to spend our own money for boat fare.

At least the food wasn't at all bad.

I have mixed feelings about coming home. I don't have money but I'll be seeing Yani again. And I get to drive my car again. Drink cold water. Eat heavy meals. Watch cable.

But most of all, I get to see Yani again. I wish I had money so we could go out and really have fun.

I guess I'll just have to improvise.

Isang tulog na lang. Cebu, here we come.

A few more hours and we'll be in Cebu. We've barely stayed for a month in Manila, the smog and traffic capital fo the Philippines, yet my heart is as heavy as bricks and my soul as tired as a soldier after a hard battle.

I need the respite from the spartan lifestyle we had to endure in Manila. Lots of misua and canned fish, no fancy food, and few luxuries if at all. I counted two movies and an almost nightly attempt at drowning of sorrows in alcoholic bliss among the few luxuries we afforded ourselves. (Tanduay rhum because beer was simply too expensive)

A few more hours and I'll get the vacation I deserve. Funny to be in Cebu and to call it a vacation.

I hope I had enough sleep. I want my voice in good condition for tonight's show. And I still have this lingering hope that Yani would meet me at the pier. I know she can't.

At least she promised to call.

It's morning and the SuperFerry's size is no match for the waves. She rocks badly. At the cafeteria, the freezer slides easily as the ship lists heavily at times.

Nobody seems worried.

The food was ok. The coffee, bad.

Just a few hours away from Manila's port. Leaving Cebu was less stressful this time. We brought much fewer baggages.

We were travelling with lighter spirits too. Four successful Cebu shows and two radio interviews, and days of rest and relaxation was so much more than I had hoped for.

The prospects are high for us now. We start playing regularly at String's on Wednesday. I hope this month turns out well. And next month better.

I can see Corregidor island on starboard. My thinking slowly shifts to "Manila mode". Today's my turn to do the dishes.

I need to rest. Can't do anything much. No cell signal.

I'll text her at the pier.

I turns out that our show this week at String's was for Tuesday and Friday. So we played there yesterday, the same day we arrived.

NO CUSTOMERS.

It was so frustrating. Must have been the floods that hit Manila. Classes were suspended so there probably weren't too many enthusiastic "clubbers" that day.

Three long sets without a real audience. But we played like there was one. I guess we had fun at some point because we got to play lesser popular covers, songs we'd really rather play. It was great.

Now, alone in my room, I'm so bored. Its raining again. The weather really tires you. I'll just lie here and wait for sleep to come and claim me to dreamland.